The Tribal Massive is a boutique, high-level belly dance training intensive - 49 hours with the best of the best, (Zoe Jakes, Kami Liddle, Sharon, Mira...!!!) every day, for 8 days, plus a show featuring the top dancers in the whole world. It's run by lovely, lovely people and attended by amazing friendly dancers the world over.
I loved the Massive - I loved the training, I loved dancing all day every day, and we learnt so, so, so much. It was so worthwhile, though I didn't tear up much (like I did at Suhaila last year and when I met dolphins in Vegas, when I was crying all over the shop and was so glad I had my celebrity sunglasses on).
Coming back from the Massive was a little weird - you go from this environment surrounded by dedicated dancers and non stop dancing back into my little office, trying desperately to catch up all the stuff you couldn't finish before you left and push work through. It's back to normal life - my Facebook addiction returned (For shame!), and everything felt frustratingly normal again.
I think I kind of expected to go to the Massive and for my heart to be so utterly broken open by all the dance stuff and be so so so much in love with it and for my well to be totally full and to come back and magically be some kind stamina ninja and be waking up early to fit in four hours of practice a day.
Yeah, that's not what happened.
I've been trying to process my experience, as it was brilliant, but it didn't affect me in the way I thought it would. I wasn't weeing myself with excitement every class - I really enjoyed EVERY CLASS (maybe except the one at the end where I had no brain left) but it's not like every class was like, say, meeting a dolphin. (Which is the best thing. Ever.)
So I came home a little disappointed in myself. Why didn't I feel it deeper? What's wrong with me? Maybe I don't deserve to be a dancer at that level.
But I have been thinking and planning and re-branding like a machine since I came back from Vegas, and this morning doing my daily journalling I realised something.
I feel like before the Massive I was in some kind of limbo waiting for permission to become the dancer I wanted to be and to work on the projects and dreams I wanted to work on.
Now I feel like I don't need permission and I can just get on with it, cos there is so much stuff to be done!
Seeing Zoe's House of Tarot show at the Massive Spectacular (which was in-freaking-credible) and hearing the stories of how these incredible ninja dancers got to where they are today really inspired me. I saw so much stuff that I loved and wanted to be a part of, saw things I wanted to create back here in the UK, met so many beautiful inspiring people that I thought, why am I always telling myself no to doing this stuff? Why am I endlessly waiting for the "right time" to do the stuff I am dreaming of when I could just be doing it?